I have now been back in London for exactly one week, officially the longest week since records began. Not necessarily in a bad way, I haven’t had a terrible time since being back, just feels like forever ago I was on the beach planning how I was going to conquer the world. It’s amazing how much more creative you feel when you don’t have any commitments and can just exercise, meditate, read, sunbathe and do yoga. Now I am back, my mind is filled with potential projects, things I ‘should’ be doing/reading, session planning, classes etc.
How has it been reintegrating into society? Well, up and down. When I arrived back I felt quite flat, as if ‘is this it?’. While away, I had so many ideas of what I wanted to do with regards to setting up classes and events, the direction I want to take my business in etc. Now I am back, the reality of the obstacles that stand in my way are more apparent. There is also the familiar voice of ‘what if it doesn’t work?’. To that I must say, ‘if it doesn’t, no matter, just try something else’. It would be great if life was as easy as our daydreams, but then success wouldn’t be as rewarding.
Apart from feeling slightly flat, I also feel disjointed, as if this isn’t real. Currently I am not sure of what I want, both short term or long term. I have just slipped straight back into working in the gym as if nothing has changed. I don’t want to get too comfortable and drift away from where I envisioned myself whilst away. I have a few things up my sleeve but these are just ideas at present, I haven’t made any positive steps towards them just yet. I probably shouldn’t be so hard on myself, it has only been 7 days after all.
On the plus side, I have continued my morning meditation, chanting and pranayama. I feel so much better for it and since I have been home I have been asleep by 10 every night (yes including the weekend, I am officially a loser). I have always struggled with sleep, even as a baby much to my mother’s delight. While at university I was pretty much nocturnal, I remember my house mate saying to me, at 1pm when I had finally awoken, that I was the most asleep awake person she had ever seen. I would be tired all day then as soon as I got into bed my brain would switch on and it would be unlikely I would be asleep before 2am.
Since being back I have not watched TV, I just don’t fancy watching anything. When my housemate had it on last night, it suddenly felt very hectic. I can see why I always struggled to doze off, I had a TV in my bedroom and used it to unwind. Really, this was completely counter intuitive and it has now been banished. I have also started to put my phone onto airplane mode at 9pm, no more email, Instagram or Whatsapp. It stays off until I have finished my morning meditation, starting my day gently rather than instantly getting caught up with messages and social media.
My mantra since being back has been ‘the peace is within’, I am trying to stay calm despite the usual frustration and annoyances caused by the general public, particularly in a big city. I have also realised that when we have these kinds of reactions, it is usually down to our own mental state rather than their behaviour. I am also trying to stop and see the situations from the other persons point of view rather than instantly thinking they are a knob (I deduce that after analysing both sides). So far, this strategy has been working but that may be because I am still all ‘zen’.
The thing that has helped me with easing back in to reality the most has been my clients. They have been really pleased to have me back and I realise what a difference I make to their lives (their words). What I do matters and that is a great feeling. I now have this wonderful gift of yoga and it is my duty to share that so that it can bring happiness into other people’s lives. I am ready to work hard over the next few months, on myself but also in getting myself out there and spreading the yoga love.
In difficult times just remember, ‘the peace is within’.